Sunday, November 12, 2006

If a bear blogs in the woods...

So, movie-related posts have been kinda slim around here. Not that it really impacts anyone directly, but I've just decided to be honest with myself about why I blog and just use this thing for what I really need it for - a diary. It's been a long-ass November, and it's not even half way over. I've been hanging desperately onto sanity through some really lonely nights. I'm almost in third-person these days, watching myself go through these cycles of acting really dumb and self-destructive, and flying straight for a while just to do it all again three days later. I'm not really doing all that well, though some friendships have strangely solidified during (because of?) these hard times. Bill and I speak approximately as much as Sara and I, and I've played video games with carter long into the evening hours two nights in a row now. Levette comes by on occassion and makes me laugh, and Alec continually engages my remaining wit in a full-on sprint to see who can crack the most ridiculous jokes in every passing minute.

I've also been speaking with my family much more, but haven't seen much of them. I've worked three out of the last five weekends, which just flat out can't go on. It is fun, I admit, to see the growing crowds at our events and know that I did most of the heavy lifting to make this happen. But fuck, I'm still going home to an empty house, no matter how appreciated these audiences make me feel.

I'm going up to see Sara this week, though, so I have at least six days of feeling complete ahead of me. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I'm just a long-ass way from where I want and need to be. Geographically speaking.

3 Comments:

Blogger Noma said...

Ya know, I think it's time I gave you that sketch.

5:49 AM  
Blogger saratoga said...

Aw, you're blogging again! Look at you! Who knew we'd both return.

4:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aw, that was such a sweet post... i wish we could get together and play more often. hang in there :) >hugs<

8:10 PM  

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